My parents separated when I was 8.
They divorced when I was 13.
When I came across this video, it was all too real to me..
It reminded me of the heartache I endured.. his words mirrored mine.
Everyone has a different past - and to each his own childhood.. but I remember the shame I felt because my parents were no longer married. I wished my parents never married, simply because I didn't like to have memories of life shared together. I would look at other children who said their parents broke up when they were 2, and wished it were me. I didn't want to remember having my father in the home, next room over. It hurt too much once he wasn't there. The stress on my young heart.. the reasoning of my young mind, and the hurt that would follow me into adulthood are all very present in this video...
I am not afraid of love, commitment or marriage. I love love.. I believe it's a beautiful thing.
I believe it can work if you work it.
I'm not married or in a relationship - and I'm no relationship expert, so I can't add more weight to my statement than to just say trust me... but my plea because of what I've experienced as a child, and even as a young woman..
Don't just get married. Don't ignore the warning signs. Don't rush down the altar. Know yourself. Know your partner; don't ignore the warning signs. Listen for God's voice. Don't block Him out. Have His peace, and don't ignore the warning signs. Don't be stubborn and just do it anyway. Listen to the people around you, the ones who love and know you the most... Don't settle. Marriage is not a game. It isn't something you toy with. It's not about taking a chance and hoping it turns out alright.
It's not about jumping the broom just to see what it's like on the other side. It's about the rest of your life with the right person. Marriage isn't something you seek out to save yourself..
You could destroy your life if you bind yourself to the wrong person...
You'll have to be careful, because one day...
.. kids could be involved. These are lifetimes we're talking about.. and generations. You give birth to whole hearts that end up having to spend most of their young lives piecing together inconsistencies for their general well-being. The effects on a life broken by divorce are real.
It'll require restoration. It'll require a healthy reconstruction of a child's perception.
To them, when a home is broken, everything is broken.
If you are that grown up child now - you can attest. It takes years to really see how it affected you, and once you see it, you have to deal with it. And you can't deal with it properly without God.
I believe marriage is an act of love, good sense, commitment, and faith. Faith, that it's God's will, faith, that it's ordained, faith that purpose is connected to the joining of two lives... pure intent and determined commitment from both parties.
It's covenant..it shouldn't be broken.
So if it is, don't leave the child to cope alone. Stay present. Keep an open ear. Kids will talk if they know you'll listen. Console them. Love them even more..
I want to know about you...
How have you been affected by divorce?
Were you the parent or the child? What recurring thoughts did you have?
What decisions did you have to make? What were some of the changes you had to endure?
Are you okay, today?
Leave a comment. Talk back.. : ) You have the rest of your life to see God's work of grace in you.
It's time to heal. XO.
Scripture References:Psalms 34:18: The LORD is near to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalms 147:3: He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Lamentations 3:23-24: The LORD'S loving-kindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. "The LORD (He) is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him."…
VIDEO TRANSCRIPT:Dear Mom and Dad, I know that you are hurting. I'm hurting too. I feel and feed off your tension, fear and shock. Although, I am young and cannot express verbally what is happening in our lives... I'm still feeling the impact. My heart is broken every time I have to give up a parent. My sense of security is lost. Please don't assume that I am resilient. Please don't assume that my life will be exactly as it was... And that I will continue to feel the same love from both of you. I'm a human being just like you. My needs are just like yours. I need love, attention, nurturing, stability, consistency, affection, understanding, patience, and mostly, to be wanted. When you fight over me or put me in the middle of your argument, you are sending me the message that winning with each other is more important than my life. I am learning from you that it is better to be right than to be loved. You are teaching me that I came from a person who is unlovable and wrong, and that I am somehow wrong too. When you confide your hurt in my heart, you are storing up adult pain, and robbing me of my childhood. You are taking away my belief that love is unconditional and replacing it with a message that tells me to become hard and not to love because I will get hurt and not be able to recover. You may not understand this today, and I am so small that you are not thinking about my future, but you are putting me at a greater risk of getting a divorce myself. At times, you are risking my safety to fill a void in your heart. My safety is your job. Without you and your protection, I am unshielded from the world. This will manifest in irrational fears for me, because I will stay in a state of fight or flight for most of my life. Someday, this initial shock will wear off, but how you choose to parent me through this crisis will never wear off. I will either feel your sense of selflessness and support, and protection, or I'll have a scar on my heart that reads...
"Good things happen to good people. I must be bad."Thoughtfully, A Child of Divorce The Voice of a Child of Divorce -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------