Valentine's Day is experienced in so many ways. There are couples who go out of their way to celebrate and others who do not. There are singles who make the day about self-pampering, singles who take heart and love on their relatives, singles who insist the day bares no significance, and singles that go into hiding, admitting it brings pain. Some people are new to the grief that the day could bring because of death, divorce, or breakup. Some others find it to be a joyous occasion because they've recently embarked upon a new season of love, engagement, or marriage.
Whatever the situation, I spoke to a friend who spoke to an ex-boyfriend.. . She said he still loved her & he missed her -- but he's newly engaged, to someone else.
I was disappointed. My heart hurt for her.
I wanted to insist she not hold on to whatever remnant of "truth" she thought she needed from him to survive the day.
I wanted her to heal, and I know it takes time. I wanted her to give this new season of singleness her full participation -- I know it's hard to let go. I know it's a faith walk... and it doesn't have to last forever, but I didn't want him to tamper with her progress. I didn't want her to be influenced by convincing conversation and no conversion..
I've been there before -
Dealing with a broken heart is not easy.
Sometimes we can be so enamored with our loyalty, the extent of our love, the depth of our commitment, and our ability to forgive and forego all evidence that it's time to move on that we pick open our wounds instead of doing all we can to allow them healing.
We are not doing ourselves a favor.
We are not doing ourselves a favor when we stay in bad relationships to our detriment.
We are not doing ourselves a favor when we shut our eyes to the truth that would deliver us if we'd only open them.
We are so taken by our high hopes and desire to prove our love that we forget to turn our affection onto the One who truly loves us. If we fail to give our greatest attention to the One who sticks closer than a brother - if we fail to give in to this growing trust, we tamper with our present. We risk our futures dabbling in our pasts.
What did I have to force myself to do when I'd been brokenhearted? What's my best advice?
Give Jesus a WHOLE chance -- before so soon needing the reassurance of a false love to survive, remember... and pursue knowing the love that has & will never separate itself from you.
This girl, and I, and maybe you too -- she has a big heart. A HUGE one. And she's proud of that heart. This heart that will give and give until it has nothing left. Nothing left but questions and hurt. But that's no good in the end. God didn't call us to deplete ourselves. He didn't call us to give of ourselves to any one person until we're left with nothing in return, only wanting. Promises and no fulfillment, potential and no fruitfulness, words and no action.
He calls us to be full and overflowing with His love. He calls us to know a love that exceeds our expectation. He calls us to keep our pearls and not cast them before swine. He calls us to guard our hearts and seek His wisdom. He calls us to know His blessing & His will, that makes rich and adds no sorrow. I think it's possible. There are just some things we must choose to believe about our God...
What would I say to her?
"Delight yourself in the Lord.
.. He will give you the right desires, then He'll give you your desires. I think He's that good.
After giving years of your life to someone who failed you, give some time to One who won't. Let God do a work on your heart that only HE is capable of doing. Give Him an opportunity. Give Him place. Fix your eyes for more than a moment. His love will show you how to love yourself. His love will show you what to accept in the name of love.
Let go of what let go of you.
Lay hold of what has laid hold of you."